Non-judgemental behaviour

Being non-judgemental is having sense of balance, a way of understanding misunderstandings and a way of accepting those with whom he/she may disagree. This behaviour is reflected in one’s words, choices, actions and reactions. This non-judgemental attitude pervades all verbal and written, one to one, group and social network communication.

Being non-judgemental is becoming an observer of life and not to decide about a behaviour or expression if it was right or wrong. It is a behaviour when we first observe both our own and others’ reactions. Observing our reactions is a way to empathise with and understand rather than judge other people.

To become non-judgemental the development of an empathic approach to people is needed. Being a non-judgemental observer is a way to learn to ask non-judgemental questions first from ourselves then from others.

What are non-judgemental questions?

First we should clear up our mind by taking apart the our past experiences, knowledge, bias and the present situation.

Requests for ourselves:

1. What is my bias in relation to the present situation?
2. What are my experiences related to the present situation?
3. So what am I observing now?

Observing our feeling in the present situation

4. What am I feeling at this moment when observing this situation?
5. Am I emotionally disturbed now?

Before reacting on another person identify our feelings

Only when our feelings have already been identified can we express or handle feelings. When you are clear with your own feelings and needs then you can turn to the other person and do the same procedure (identify her/his feelings) to understand him/her.  We can do this by using questions and reframing, redefining to understand their clear point. Then we can give feedback and reflect our thoughts and feelings/personal needs.

Advice: to avoid misunderstanding always use the same grammatical form: talking in single mode first person language.

The best to  adop an advanced non-judgemental behaviour is to learn and use the following communication tools:

1.  4 Steeps of Non Violent Communication and/or
2.  using Roger’s acceptant approach and/or
3.  Gordon’s self-expressing communication techniques

User's guide, equipment:         

• Essential of NVC- sheet of paper    (one per mentor)
• Essential of Rogerian humanist approach-sheet of paper    (one per mentor)